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These posts are my musings and cover many topics.  Some posts will be observations that I have made over my lifetime...some will be what I call, truisms.  Truisms that I have developed from having to deal with the tough situations life sometimes deals us.  I developed these little philosophies to help me avoid a situation in the future or  to allow me to have a better outcome the next time around.  All observations, truisms , and whatever other post this blog contains are  based on my own personal experiences and  opinions.  Hopefully, some post will be of some help to someone in a situation or  give someone another perspective...another way of looking/thinking about a situation that is helpful.  I love writing these posts and I appreciate you  reading them :-)

Please be aware there is a NEW  feature added to  some of the Musings.....AUDIO....There will be an audio bar on those Musings that offer this option.....You may not feel like reading at that moment....now you may listen:-)

Quote:

"All our words are but crumbs that fall down from the feast of the mind."- Gibran

SHOULD I TRUST YOU ?

8/26/2013

2 Comments

 
Trust is something we all want to do but, sometimes wonder....can we?  Yes, I have always felt that trust was a worrisome issue because I could get hurt, in some way,  if the person was untrustworthy.
Having been around a while, I have trusted people who let me down in some way.  I started developing a strategy...a process....to determine if I would trust someone and most important...to what degree.
Now, I am not talking about business trust...that's another subject for another time.  I'm talking about personal trust.  Something we are asked to do frequently in our day to day personal dealings with people and on a more serious level...in our relationships...friends, loved ones, etc.
In this musing, I would like to talk about trust and the people  we communicate with throughout our day.  People who we don't know well....even people we work with.....meet or communicate with on the internet....it is surprising to me  how much trust plays in our day to day world.
I will say this process I go thru is not fool proof(no pun intended)...but, it usually  helps me.  Although, I get caught sometimes as I WANT to trust someone and throw caution to the wind...this happened a short time ago and I made an error of judgement.  I think that is the danger in trusting wrongly....we WANT to trust someone....not a good idea (as I found out) without some thought .
What I try to do when I am deciding if I should trust someone  is:

Gather as much info on that person that I can.....who is this person's friends and "group"...how do they communicate with them?.....can you observe this in any way...if all you have is written communication to observe.....I'm referring to the internet now....take a look at as much of their communication that you can...if face to face....observe when you are around that person or in their group...the work place or social interactions come to mind....take it all in ...it is hard for someone to hide who they are..not impossible though...on a daily basis while interacting about little things....but, these interactions are most telling if given some thought...
Once I feel it might be ok to trust this person , I slowly give them info and see how they handle it...and then a bit more....normally, people give something back and you can start telling what kind of person this might be by how are they dealing with what you gave them and how solid and truthful is what they give you back. These exchanges can be over coffee, lunch, drinks, emails, other internet communications etc..You should be able to tell, to some degree, if you can begin to trust this person.
I, personally, tend not to be a trusting person(based on a lot of experience), so I really depend on observation and thought and frankly, a lot of second guessing that person....watching for inconsistencies is a big help.
As you observe and take in communications , over  time,  inconsistencies  will start to show if this person is less than trustworthy.
I feel , strongly, that trust is built over time as more and more info is shared etc...but, it can be taken away in a heart beat. All it takes is one time for me, personally.  
Thruout my life, I have seen this happen to a lot of people...my friends etc...and I noticed that even though trust is broken...these people continue to trust the person.  I, frankly, have never done that nor, do I think I ever could.  I think this falls under the heading of ...I WANT to trust them....and that puts them in an up and down situation .  I feel if someone breaks trust once....it is like lying....they will do it again...for sure. 

So, should I trust you?...it'll take me  awhile to figure that out:-)  

Some quotes that show  even the famous have/had the issue of trust on their minds:

"The trust of the innocent is the liar's most useful tool." - Stephen King

"Love all, trust a few, do wrong to none." - William Shakespeare

"To be trusted is a greater compliment than being loved." - George MacDonald

2 Comments
A-Life-Of-Song
8/29/2013 10:35:27 am

A difficult topic, this. I detest not being able to trust someone, especially when I like the person. But after being "dropped" too many times, I've moved from trusting to being cautiously optimistic that a person might be reliable... hard to resist trusting when it seems to be part of your nature... :/

Love the quotes at the end.

Reply
MELLOW CELLO link
8/29/2013 11:50:33 am

Thank you so much for your sincere and heartfelt comment, Life of Song....Yes, it is difficult to know if someone can be trusted even by being observant and careful as I talk about.....I have been misled many times in my years .....however, as long as I have given serious thought as the "relationship" progresses and watch for warning signs... I just consider it one of those things and move on...being aware or watchful does not , in any way, mean not being open to forming new relationships with people...it means you are aware as the signs present themselves to "get out" before the price gets too high....re: the recent incident that I referred to in my post...i had a few small warning signs right off...well after a week or so of communicating...i ignored them...oblivious to them...as I WANTED to trust with this person with my thoughts and feelings....thank goodness , something happened that I couldn't ignore and soon ..the price I paid for trusting was small...a few hurt feelings for a bit....I am very open to new people and share my thoughts and feelings pretty freely but I am watchful as how the communication flow back and forth goes....and I am careful not to "risk" too much until I feel surer of that person....thank you again for reading my musing and for taking time for such a valuable comment:-)

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    Who Am I ? 

    I am an adult female who is a cellist, composer, and a student of life experiences (by necessity).  I feel we are all students in life until the day we die.  I am, a realist and I try to stay grounded in what I feel is  the truth in any situation. I feel we have a responsibility to God, ourselves, and the people who love us to be the very best person we can be.

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