A good friend and I were talking the other day about how it seems that some people think that when you are kind or extra nice and understanding that it means you can be taken advantage of .  Has that ever happened to you?  I think its happened to all of us at one time or another .

Normally, I tend to be watchful of this human shortfall but I got caught myself recently.  New people moved into the rental property next door a few months ago and became problematic right from the start.  Usually, I believe in dealing with things strongly from the outset in these situations but......I was busy with music things and didn't want that negative energy so I tried reason and being pleasant  a few times....I finally realized as these "incidents" started to escalate that these people thought I was weak (soft headed) because I was being nice and reasonable with them(soft hearted) instead of involving city authorities.  That has since been fixed :-)  They no longer think that I am soft headed and certainly, not soft hearted !!

So, what are we to do?  Be "tough" on everyone with the attitude that they are going to take advantage of us.?....be suspicious of friends motives? etc..?  No, we can't do that because if we close off our soft hearted feelings of kindness and generosity we will miss all the wonderful experiences with people that these feelings can bring us. People who appreciate and reciprocate our kindness and soft heartedness.

I think we need to understand what our boundaries/perimeters are and when those boundaries/perimeters are crossed we need to deal with it right away and firmly.  Sometimes, it helps to communicate what our perimeters are early on in  relationships......now, I did do that with my recent situation...I explained nicely and reasonably what my expectations were (simply stay on your own property and do no damage to mine)...where I fell short this time was  not following thru with action once those expectations were not met.  I need to take my own advice, for sure.....and will do so next time around :-)

In give and take type relationships of any kind...even casual ones....we have to be sure that give and take is really happening  and appropriate appreciation is expressed.  Really, it comes down to respect/regard and gracious manners.  I have a lovely neighbor a few doors down who has old fashioned values and we have become fast friends for the past several years....I'll call her Jeanette for this writing....she brings me  goody type things....I thank her and follow up with a call on how good it was etc etc....then in few days she receives a goody or something from the garden from me and I receive the thanks and appreciation....it is comforting and reassuring and creates warm feelings on both sides.  She is very soft hearted to me but, then, I am also to her.....as it should be.

Many of us do a lot of communicating on the internet for various reasons...chats....social media....group participation sites like sound cloud.....sometimes I notice that  there a lack of regard or respect for others...perhaps, it is due to the lack of time and short communications ....however,  I notice I am drawn to those communicators who show regard for the other "fellow" and notice that others feel the same as I. It seems to be a subset of the soft hearted issue above.....people want you to support them, respond to them, and offer info (as in a chat request) and help but do not offer reciprocating support and appropriate appreciation such as a simple ...thank you.  You don't see these types of communicators really lasting long with that kind of regard for others, fortunately. Once I identify someone like that I do remove myself from their communications quickly as do others, I am sure......

Being soft hearted, generous and kind are great qualities in all areas of life (including internet communications) but, we all have to be aware so our perimeters/boundaries are not crossed and we are not taken advantage of and perceived as weak or soft headed.

Some Quotes on the subject :

"I think there is only one quality worse than hardness of heart and that is softness of head."- Theodore Roosevelt

"You can't always be nice. That's how people take advantage of you.  Sometimes you have to set boundaries." - Ritu Ghatourey

Today is the perfect day to start part 2 of my cello journey tale.  It was the first lesson of the music year . It was so amazing and filled with such excitement and positive energy,  I  knew that this is what I  have been working towards all these past several years....hour after hour...day in and day out.    I am at a point in my cello journey that was just a hope and a dream  many decades ago.

My second chance started 6 1/2 years ago after moving into a new neighborhood 1 1/2 yrs before that.  I was trying to make new friends and joined a bell choir at a local church. It was fun and I loved playing those bells.  The woman leading us was a violinist in the community orchestra and another bell ringer, a violist, was a member also.  Week after week I listened to these ladies talk about orchestra happenings and I kept thinking....this could have been me!  I admit to feeling regret of what might have been.   I told them my story and my passion and love for the cello and one day the leader, Lois, said she had a name of a reliable and trustworthy luthier...why don't you see about getting a cello?  I knew as soon as she said that, I would do it !  Things happened so fast after that, I  have always felt it was fate and have felt that many many times over the past 6 1/2 yrs.

   This luthier had just received 2 cellos and one was still unsold.....within a few days I went to pick up my cello.  I was so lucky to have someone trustworthy as I was clueless about how to buy a cello.....it was a nice cello I later found out.  I asked him about a teacher.  I told him what kind of person I wanted as  a  teacher....experienced....                                                                            serious...kind....and would take me seriously...this wasn't a lark or a hobby.  This was my dream !  He thought a bit and finally said....Carole.  Although, she had never had an adult student before,  as we talked on the phone she agreed to teach me and after a few  more minutes of chatting, she agreed to come the following Wed. The future would show that  that  was my lucky day !

Wednesday came and Carole handed me the bow and she said.....you hold that bow like you have been playing all these years....I know you had a good teacher (Mr. Liberti).  Then she said...I give my kids "froggy" stickers where their thumb should go...do you....words never left her mouth when I said..yes !!  I want anything that will help me move along and learn .....so , for a few months I had a froggy sticker on the back of my cello's neck.....Carole is a smart and experienced teacher....it was a simple thing and so effective..I eventually made a transparent little circle so it couldn't be seen but I could feel it :-)  Ok, so now the world knows I had a froggy sticker...but,  you have to start somewhere:-)  Right? :-) 

Lessons started and I was breezing thru books every few months....Carole said my muscles remembered what they had to do .   To me it was a miracle as it was so long that I played/learned.....I went at a steady clip through all the materials  for about a year or maybe a bit more before things started slowing down a bit.  I was on the road to my lifetime dream.    

Then at about 6 months...just before the rehearsals began for the Christmas program at the community Orchestra..Carole said I should join the Orchestra...she is principal cellist there (1st chair-section leader).   The Christmas program was easy she said and the only advice she would give me was to.....do no harm !
She had such faith in me to risk her reputation on what I would do...I had only been learning for 6 months.   I asked her a few times if she was worried I would mess up...no, she said. Let's just say for more than a few months I was playing a lot of "air" cello.  I had a wonderful stand-mate...a young man...who always watched my back and was a huge help.  Believe me, I needed all the help I could get:-)

There was a whole lot of work , excitement, and the joy of getting the cello of my dreams ahead of me.....continued in part 3.

A quote that describes ,better than my words can say, how I feel about my cello journey:

One can never consent to creep when one feels an impulse to soar. - Helen Keller