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​Musings

These posts are my musings and cover many topics.  Some posts will be observations that I have made over my lifetime...some will be what I call, truisms.  Truisms that I have developed from having to deal with the tough situations life sometimes deals us.  I developed these little philosophies to help me avoid a situation in the future or  to allow me to have a better outcome the next time around.  All observations, truisms , and whatever other post this blog contains are  based on my own personal experiences and  opinions.  Hopefully, some post will be of some help to someone in a situation or  give someone another perspective...another way of looking/thinking about a situation that is helpful.  I love writing these posts and I appreciate you  reading them :-)

Please be aware there is a NEW  feature added to  some of the Musings.....AUDIO....There will be an audio bar on those Musings that offer this option.....You may not feel like reading at that moment....now you may listen:-)

Quote:

"All our words are but crumbs that fall down from the feast of the mind."- Gibran

TRUST.....and .....ITS  LOSS....

11/26/2013

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This musing on trust is different than the earlier one I did.  That one was about ways to tell if you can trust someone.  This one is about loss of trust.  You have trusted someone and they turned out not to be trustworthy.  

First, I want to clarify what kind of trust I am speaking of.  It is not business trust .  This is about personal trust.  The trust that is necessary when you share your thoughts, feelings, and self with someone.  No one wants to share their personal feelings and thoughts which show who they are, with someone who is  not trustworthy.

I was thinking about the word "trust" today as this musing was on my mind. I feel that "trust" means something a bit different to each one of us. To me. it means feeling "safe" that  showing this person who I am and what I think will not be used  to "hurt" me  in  a psychological or emotional way or bring reprisals.  I like  to have the feeling of assurance that my thoughts and communications  are safe with a person.  Whatever our personal definition of trust is, the loss of it can be unsettling.

That's what the essence of this musing is .....minimizing the negative feelings we feel when we have lost trust in someone.
This is very important because every moment of pain, confusion,  or  hurt feelings  we have....we are giving power and control to that untrustworthy individual.    I have referred to this phenomenon in other musings because it is present in a lot of negative situations that exist in relationships of all types.  Once you have determined that a loss of trust has occurred...more directly put...that you realize this person has not been truthful with you  and  has, perhaps, exhibited behaviors that were meant to  hurt  or limit you in some way....the situation needs to be ended quickly so that these behaviors no longer can impact your world.  When, I experience this type of situation....which I have recently.....I make sure that I do not give any more attention to this  person.   I find this to be an important first step, for me.

Once, the situation is no longer happening, then the important thing that I tell myself is .....this does not have anything to do with me.   I am not at fault for being trusting...usually, these  untrustworthy individuals make it easy for people to trust them.  The reason it is important not to take to heart what untrustworthy people do....is that , again, to change who you are gives what that person did ...credence, power, control, and validity.   I, for one, would never do that.  I want to be who I am for the next person I trust, not someone who has been jaded or is  overly cautious because of a past experience. 

Another issue when dealing with untrustworthy people is....what if they say they are sorry or offer  excuses?  ...do you give them another chance?  I have seen and have experienced personally too many of these situations.  Everyone, it seems, does something different based on who they are and their values .   I have known people who have given "second, third, and fourth," chances to people who have betrayed their trust . Everyone has to live up to their own values and do what is comfortable for them...I have never given anyone who I have lost trust in even a second chance.   I feel strongly that being untrustworthy is next to lying.   It has been my personal experience  that once someone lies...they will lie again.....same as for being untrustworthy. You can count on that happening again.  What, I usually do, is just don't put myself in that position again with that person.  However, I am sure, there could an instance where I would consider a second chance, but,... it hasn't happened yet.

To summarize :  First, remove yourself from the offending person. Sometimes , this is difficult but, really necessary if it is not to happen again.  Second, do not blame yourself because you have a kind heart or a trusting nature.  Third, do not change who you are so that you are still open to trusting the next person  who had nothing to do with the past situation.

Also, please know and be aware, that people who are like this...untrustworthy, dishonest , cavalier,  and hurtful.....are so very unhappy inside.  They do not feel the joy of sharing honest thoughts and feelings. It's a high price they pay for being untrustworthy but, a fair one.

QUOTES:

“I'm not upset that you lied to me, I'm upset that from now on I can't believe you.” 
― Friedrich Nietzsche


“To be trusted is a greater compliment than being loved.” 
― George MacDonald


Few delights can equal the presence of one whom we trust utterly. - George MacDonald 



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INTO THE WILD BLUE  YONDER....CONQUERING FEAR.......

11/15/2013

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Throughout my life , I have always had a fear of flying and heights.  I could manage the flying fear if I was flying in a large aircraft.  I did have anxiety etc. but was able to manage it .  I was in a job that required a lot of travel but, fortunately, I  did all of it in the larger aircraft.  Then , our company went regional and that's when the problems began for me.  I was, now, having to fly the smaller commuter planes. I could not handle it...I tried, but, the stress level was just getting worse. One day, my boss(Dave) called me into his office.....we had flown to Detroit together the previous day on one of the commuters and there was a very loud growl out of the engines...I grabbed his arm rather harshly as I was startled and petrified.  Dave rolled up his sleeve...his forearm was purple and you could see my purple handprint on his arm.  What could I say?  I said I was sorry, of course.

A few days later, I went to Dave and told him I needed out and a transfer.  He told me  to get to where I needed to be however I could....I did not need to fly as far as he was concerned.  Whew!! ..I loved my job and didn't want to leave.

One week end I was out at the Islands on Lake Erie and there was an old Ford Tri-motor plane and they were selling seats for a ride and by paying extra you could be co-pilot.  The romance of this beautiful unique aircraft overtook me and I thought I could handle being upfront...so, I was in the co-pilot seat on that flight.   The pilot was so nice and I told him I had a fear of flying but, I was doing good in this plane..he said,  I can let you "hold" the aircraft if you want!!  Well, I am always up for the adventure and new experience so I said ok...he explained what to do and how it would feel  and gave me the plane.   It was so heavy in my hands and I absolutely loved it...he let me do this for about a minute or two....it was wonderful.  I looked at him and said...I want to learn to fly !!!  I loved it !!

Monday morning came and into my boss's office I go and said.. "Dave, guess what?...I am going to take flying lessons".  I told him of my experience that week end with The Tin Goose as this plane was called and he said...."I am not surprised....it was the control...if you are in control you won't be afraid !!"  He was an ex-airforce pilot back in his day.  

My wonderful flying experience began a few weeks later.  I flew out of a local small airfield pretty close to home and my flight instructor, Ruth,  was an older woman who flew during WW 2.  She was so tough and awesome....she was also a flight examiner.  She was just the best....I learned so much and the right way.....I was not afraid...but, still could not fly those commuter planes for my job.....I learned in a Cessna 172 and my favorite was 1086F ....I also flew 4802G but, I loved 1086F....each plane "feels " different and  that one was so light  and easy to fly.    

Ruth, put me through it all....the emergency landing tests.....spins...Spins were not a FAA requirement but they were Ruth's requirement....and stalls.... that's when the airplane ceases to fly.....I was well prepared for my first solo flight....me..who had anxiety attacks when having to fly on the job was flying and getting ready to solo.   I knew ,then that if I could fly...I could do anything I wanted and nothing would ever stop me.  

The big day came and everything went great and it was thrilling ...It was a  life changing event for me and it showed me that if fears were faced , they could be conquered.

I received my Private Pilots License in due time and continued flying on week -ends.  One of the instructors had a piper cub that I loved and we went up and did some aerobatics sometimes and I liked that a lot ...nothing serious....just  some lazy eights , chandelles, and dutch rolls.   I loved the feel of doing them.  I did them when I flew in 1086F also.   I liked the lazy 8's and especially the dutch rolls....I flew for about 4 years....I have logged almost 400 hrs. in my flight log.


Shortly after receiving my Private Pilots License, I thought I would like to get my sea plane rating.....I always liked the romantic stories about seaplane flying in Alaska....so, one vacation I went to Florida and took seaplane lessons at Brownies....but, I never got my rating...I ran out of time and money....but, fun?...oh yes, it was fun landing on the water :-)

I had one emergency situation occur when my oil light warning  went on right after leaving Youngstown control and I used the procedures that I knew from training...It was as if time stood still.....I got Youngstown control back...asked for following to the nearest airport....explained  the situation......advised I was gaining altitude in case the engine went out...this means  I would have more glide potential....it all worked out ok.  My airport sent someone to pick me up and it was over.

I went on to study for my Ground Instructor License ...this allows for teaching of Private Pilot and Commercial Theory.. .. I received it and taught a few semesters of Pilot Theory at a local Community College and at the air field,also.
 
It was then that the FAA changed the requirements to become a Private Pilot....lowered them actually.  They added  a lower requirement license.  I did not agree with that move....I felt people who were flying around in the air needed more training ...not less and I stopped flying and teaching.  It was about time as I had almost 400 safe hours and I did not like teaching....I liked learning a lot but, not teaching.

I learned several lessons that I carried on thru my life from this flying experience.  One, is that as a pilot, you are responsible for everything...even things you have no control over.  That is how I was taught.  Life is much like that.  You are responsible so you have to make sure you are in control of what is going on.  Two, fears should not control you....they have to be faced and conquered.  Not doing so, allows them to have control over you. Three,  you always have to have your eyes open and be prepared for any emergency.  You always had to be watchful for a possible landing spot ...thinking ahead...planning ahead in case something would happen.   Great skills for life's problems.

I wouldn't trade any of my flying experiences for anything in the world.  As I write this so many more flying adventures come back to mind.  It was one of the best things I ever did for myself. 

I am sharing my story so that you can see how an ordinary person really can overcome fears on their own and there is such a big payback for doing so.  Some fears are good fears and  help protect us but, generally, fears are usually limiting us in some way .

It was so much fun going through my photo albums looking  for the following photos  to share with you :-)

Picture
This is the Tin Goose...the antique Ford Tri Motor that started it all for me. The pilot that I referred to turned out to be the actual owner of the Goose.  We corresponded off and on and he said if I could arrange vacation and come to Florida for the Air Show...I could help him and his wife give Tin Goose rides at the show....and every time the co-pilot seat was not sold...I could ride.  That sounded good to me:-)  It was an exciting few days for me and I got to ride the Goose lot...and "hold" it ....this time he worked his feet and I worked the  wheel and I even got to try a turn ....I got to chock it when needed, also....I was in heaven....I do not know where the Goose is today or even if it is flying..... 

Picture
This is me on my solo flight coming in to land on 1086F.   I had one of the airport people take the picture....I am sure Ruth, my instructor, was on the tarmac praying ...

Picture
This is the lovely exciting seaplane I took lessons in at Brownies in Florida.....I love the Piper cub and really loved flying the seaplane.....

Quotes

"Do what you fear and fear disappears." -
David Joseph Schwartz 

"Only when we are no longer afraid do we begin to live." - Dorothy Thompson 

"I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear." - Nelson Mandela 


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ROOM....WE ALL NEED ROOM .....TO BE.....

11/4/2013

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This is a very serious subject to me as I feel it is at the core of personal freedom to be who we are meant to be....or to explore what we are meant to explore and learn what we desire to learn and most importantly, to think the way we want to think.  We all need room..... just to be.......

The other day, my long time friend, who I will call Connie for this writing, said the loveliest thing to me....she had sent me a card with a lovely note but I didn't  understand  one comment so when I called to thank  her for the card, I asked her about it.   Connie said.....well, when I talk to you I feel that I can safely say  what I want without you making judgements...I feel I have space..no, not space....I interjected...room?....are you saying I give you room?  Yes !!! that's it she said.  I have room and  I feel safe to be me.  You don't push me. That both made me feel awesome and brought this musing to mind :-)

I would like to clarify "room"  and how it differs from "space", in my mind.  To me, space means separation.  You hear people say in relationships...I need space and they are apart for a bit....or about a job....and then they go on vacation etc..  Room has nothing to do with separation, in fact, the opposite because when you give someone room or they give you room...it shows understanding and  a willingness  to "wait and see"...a closeness happens.

I have used the concept of "giving room" in  a few ways during my life.  I find it very easy to learn about people when you give them room to be, say, and act who they are.  Sometimes when you talk to people..or I should say, try to talk to people....they are more interested in giving their opinion to what you are saying and telling you what they think etc...instead of listening to what you are saying. By giving room to the other person...you find out what they think, how they talk, what they feel...and they feel good about this and continue to talk.  In addition, by not opining back on every thought, you are not telling them what you expect so they are apt to be more "real" and you are better able to make a more accurate assessment about this person.

Another use of the  "room concept" is  to see how people react in a problem situation.  Let's say, someone does something that does not sit well with you...it could be serious or  not....it is better to wait and see how that person responds to the problem.. even to your disapproval.  It is easy to be likable when things are wonderful....but, the true person shows thru when there are "issues"...rather than react quickly and sending a message of what you expect in behavior...if you give that person room you can see if they do it again...is this how they operate etc etc...it is easier to get someone's "measure" when you are not giving out your expectations and watch their own more true behaviors.

The most important use of the "room concept" is in what I call personal freedom.  It seems a rare quality when people give you room to like what you like and do what you want to do and most importantly , accept who you are.   People , it seems, aren't happy with having their own likes, opinions, philosophies etc., they expect you to have them, also.   People have trouble letting other people be who they are....giving them room . I am sure you have experienced this also....I see it happening all around me...It has happened to me all my life....everyone had ideas on who I should be...what I should do...or think....I give them room to say what they need to(sometimes not :-) )...and I move on .  I do see these types of comments and judgements however making an impact on  others.  I see people whose family , friends, SO's etc. make comments  that affect them greatly.  Who knows what people would  achieve, become, or  do when given the room to do so. 

I see this with parents who stamp  their own likes and desires onto  their children.   The child wants to play violin....the parents want a baseball star...or the piano...or whatever.....without giving the child room to explore what desires and likes they have.   I look upon this as lost potential and possible feelings of dissatisfaction as adults.  I know it sure happened in my childhood years and those of my friends.  Although, I mention this issue, I have no answers how to change it....I'm sorry  to say.

The only  control we have in this "room concept"  is in what room we give other people or even ourselves.   I have found no way to encourage or make people give me room.  I have a lot of years of experience and  it hasn't helped.  I have used that term in conversations ie:...I'm going to need more room on this.  That doesn't seem to do the trick because then a discussion usually ensues when I am expecting just a simple...OK .  So, it is up to us, individually, to  give it to others and ourselves and maybe the concept will catch on and it will be a world in which we can feel more at ease.

After that last paragraph, I thought I was ending my thoughts on this musing but, I am still unsettled about it.  I would say, further, if people do not give us  the room we  personally need to deal with an issue, to think further, determine if we like or don't like something, or just generally seem to "push" us in  any way  that makes us uncomfortable...then, it is imperative that we, as individuals, take that room for ourselves in whatever manner necessary. Otherwise, we will be shortchanging ourselves and may lose out  on something positive and wonderful:-)

Truism:   We all need room to be the person we were meant to be. 

QUOTES:

"People understand me so poorly that they don't even understand my complaint about them not understanding me." - Soren Kierkegaard

"I believe that we are here for each other, not against each other. Everything comes from an understanding that you are a gift in my life - whoever you are, whatever our differences."-
John Denver 


Every soul innately yearns for stillness, for a space, a garden where we can till, sow, reap, and rest, and by doing so come to a deeper sense of self and our place in the universe. Silence is not an absence but a presence. Not an emptiness but repletion..... A filling up. ~Anne Leclaire

"When you really listen to another person from their point of view, and reflect back to them that understanding, it's like giving them emotional oxygen." - Stephan Covey

"Let everything be allowed to do what it naturally does, so that its nature will be satisfied." ~ Chuang Tzu ~

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    Who Am I ? 

    I am an adult female who is a cellist, composer, and a student of life experiences (by necessity).  I feel we are all students in life until the day we die.  I am, a realist and I try to stay grounded in what I feel is  the truth in any situation. I feel we have a responsibility to God, ourselves, and the people who love us to be the very best person we can be.

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