Many years ago I was having a discussion with a friend ,who was a practicing Psychologist, about why people do such mean and sometimes horrid things to other people. Usually, the worst of their effects are to people that are close to them...loved ones. At that stage of my life...I was in my early 30's, I was looking for answers as I had a few people on my list who were mean and monsterous in my past, at the time. This friend, who I will call Dan, described why people are varying degrees of mean, unloving, and /or monsterous using a simple analogy that made things very clear to me. It had a profound effect on me and still does to this day as I use this to identify these kinds of people and do not include them in my life....I also was able to let go of many of the negative feelings I had of the past....and move on, as we say today , clear of mind .
Dan said, picture all the good qualities a person has that we call "heart"....generous, kind, loving, sympathetic, empathetic, good, etc.. Picture the "heart" of a person to be like a pie. Our pies have to be doled out to a lot of people...family, children, SO's, friends, and ourselves etc. Just think of all the people in your day/life that you give part of yourself to. He said, if a person has a small pie...the slices are small for everyone and some get none. Some people don't have a pie to speak of....these are the monsterous ones. It was a lightbulb moment for me as I realized it had nothing to do with me. These people with the small hearts just had nothing to stop their meanness (at the very least)...no kindness, no love, no good feeling toward others or themselves...they had a very small pie/heart or none. Unfortunately, these people have children and cause untold suffering to them but , even as adults, we feel the effects of them when we find one in our lives and have to deal with them. This realization helped me, personally, to move on from having negative feelings about the ones on my list...and, I was certainly more discerning as to who I let in my life in my future. It wasn't a textbook explanation of meanness and evil but, it was clearly understood by me, and I am still mindful of it as I go about my life.....
"People can't give you what they don't have "
The only justice there is for most of these people is that they can experience no joy or love themselves. They can't experience the wonderful happy feelings we can experience...they don't even love themselves. Since , you can't tell who these people are except by their observed behaviors over time, they look just like you and me......we have to know that on the inside they are not. In my book, that is a tough punishment to live with. Perhaps, there will be more in another life...but, that's not for me to say. This is enough for me...and I hope it is for you, also.
POSTSCRIPT: It was brought to my attention, by a friend who I always ask to "proof" my musings for content, that there are reasons why these mean and heartless people are that way . Yes, there are reasons why we all are the way we are....but, it is my firm belief, and how I personally feel, that we are responsible and should be held accountable for our actions and behaviors as adults. All my musings are based on my personal experiences and beliefs....nothing else. I do not care why the criminal rapes and pillages....I do not care why a drunk driver is drinking and driving and eventually will hurt someone...and I certainly do not care why mean, heartless, and abusive people are that way. Neither does the tormented and bullied employee, renter, SO, friend and most certainly children. We, as humans, are responsible for our actions as individuals. This is what my musings are based on...personal opinion and experiences. My musing on Soft Hearted vs. Soft Headed should offer further clarity.
"Man must cease attributing his problems to his environment, and learn again to exercise his will - his personal responsibility in the realm of faith and morals." - Albert Schweitzer
"You must take personal responsibility. You cannot change the circumstances, the seasons, or the wind, but you can change yourself. That is something you have charge of." - Jim Rohn