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​Musings

These posts are my musings and cover many topics.  Some posts will be observations that I have made over my lifetime...some will be what I call, truisms.  Truisms that I have developed from having to deal with the tough situations life sometimes deals us.  I developed these little philosophies to help me avoid a situation in the future or  to allow me to have a better outcome the next time around.  All observations, truisms , and whatever other post this blog contains are  based on my own personal experiences and  opinions.  Hopefully, some post will be of some help to someone in a situation or  give someone another perspective...another way of looking/thinking about a situation that is helpful.  I love writing these posts and I appreciate you  reading them :-)

Please be aware there is a NEW  feature added to  some of the Musings.....AUDIO....There will be an audio bar on those Musings that offer this option.....You may not feel like reading at that moment....now you may listen:-)

Quote:

"All our words are but crumbs that fall down from the feast of the mind."- Gibran

People Can't Give You What They Don't Have........

10/11/2013

2 Comments

 
A few days ago, I read a description that a friend wrote about a piece of music he composed.  I have wanted to write  about  people who have ill-treated us in our lives for a while and his writing inspired me to do it....These are my feelings and experiences as to why they  do it ...and my idea of the justice they receive in this world.

Many years ago I was having a discussion with a friend ,who was a practicing Psychologist, about why people do such mean and sometimes horrid things to other people.  Usually, the worst of their effects are to people that are close to them...loved ones.   At that stage of my life...I was in my early 30's, I was looking for answers as I had a few people on my list who were mean and monsterous in my past, at the time.  This friend, who I will call Dan,  described  why people are varying degrees of mean, unloving, and /or monsterous using a simple analogy that made things very clear to me.  It had a profound effect on  me and still does to this day as I use this to identify these kinds of people and do not include them in my life....I also was able to let go of many of the negative feelings I had of the past....and move on, as we say today , clear of mind .

Dan said,  picture all the good qualities a person has that we call "heart"....generous, kind, loving, sympathetic, empathetic, good, etc..  Picture the "heart" of a person to be like a pie.  Our pies have to be doled out to a lot of people...family, children, SO's, friends, and ourselves etc.  Just think of all the people in your day/life that you give part of yourself to.  He said, if a person has a small pie...the slices are small for everyone and some get none.  Some people don't have a pie to speak of....these are the monsterous ones.  It was a lightbulb moment for me as I realized it had nothing to do with me.   These people  with the small hearts  just had nothing to stop their meanness (at the very least)...no kindness, no love, no good feeling toward others or themselves...they had a very small pie/heart or none.   Unfortunately, these people have children and cause untold suffering to them but , even as  adults, we feel the effects of them when we find one in our lives and have to deal with them.  This  realization helped me, personally, to move on from having negative feelings about the ones on my list...and, I was certainly  more discerning  as to who I let in my life in my future.  It wasn't a textbook explanation of meanness and evil but, it was clearly understood by me, and I am  still mindful of it as I go about my life.....
My Truism:

"People can't give you what they don't have "

The only justice  there is for most of these people is that they can experience no joy or love themselves.  They can't experience the wonderful happy feelings we can experience...they  don't even love themselves.  Since , you can't tell who these people are except by their observed behaviors over time, they look just like you and me......we have to know that on the inside they are not.   In my book, that is  a tough punishment to live with.  Perhaps, there will be more in another life...but, that's not for me to say.   This is enough for me...and I hope it is for you, also.


POSTSCRIPT:  It was brought to my attention,  by a friend who I always ask to "proof" my musings for content, that there are reasons why these mean and heartless people are that way .  Yes, there are reasons why we all are the way we are....but, it is my firm belief, and how I personally feel, that we are responsible and should be held accountable  for our actions  and behaviors as adults.  All my musings are based on my personal experiences and beliefs....nothing else.  I do not care why the criminal rapes and pillages....I do not care why a drunk driver is drinking and driving and eventually will hurt someone...and I certainly do not care why  mean, heartless, and abusive people are that way.  Neither does the tormented and bullied employee, renter, SO, friend and most certainly children.  We, as humans, are responsible for our actions as individuals.  This is what my musings are based on...personal opinion and experiences.   My musing on Soft Hearted vs. Soft Headed should offer further clarity.


QUOTES:

"Man must cease attributing his problems to his environment, and learn again to exercise his will - his personal responsibility in the realm of faith and morals." - Albert Schweitzer 
 
"You must take personal responsibility. You cannot change the circumstances, the seasons, or the wind, but you can change yourself. That is something you have charge of." - Jim Rohn

2 Comments
Amy Scurry link
6/7/2014 10:33:07 am

Mary,

This is a nice post, and I always wonder why mean-spirited, evil people act the way they do. This pie explanation is interesting, and it struck me how you said they don't even have a slice to love themself. I do agree that they must take responsibility as adults. I truly believe that people who have truly been through abuse and hard times overcome to become kind and gentle, light workers in a dark world.

Reply
MELLOW CELLO link
6/7/2014 03:07:20 pm

Thank you for taking the time to read my musing and also for your well written thoughtful comment, Amy...I, too, have wondered why people do the things they do...they are not only hurtful to others but, more so, to themselves..and they are miserable people on the inside even if they do not show it on the outside.....the best we can hope to do is be thankful we are not them....I have seen so much of these small hearted people in my life...I came from a family of them....and I also agree with your last statement...i think the kindest people in the world are those that have suffered the most...no matter the type of suffering.....I appreciate it, Amy, that you stop by my site...thank you....

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    Who Am I ? 

    I am an adult female who is a cellist, composer, and a student of life experiences (by necessity).  I feel we are all students in life until the day we die.  I am, a realist and I try to stay grounded in what I feel is  the truth in any situation. I feel we have a responsibility to God, ourselves, and the people who love us to be the very best person we can be.

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