Lately there have been a couple of situations that have caused me to shake my head and wonder.....about people and how some of them can turn a very positive situation into one that is negative. During my years in the school of life , I have seen this happen time after time. I have seen friends that it happened to, acquaintances , and I have certainly had it happen to me.....as in these recent situations.
I have always sought out positive situations and feelings. I have found , in my life and looking at others, that the negatives in life find you fast enough . So, there is no need to create them.... let alone, create them by purposefully destroying a positive situation . Yet, for some reason, many people do just that. I have seen ....and experienced...time after time..people who have a positive relationship or the potential of a positive relationship work ever so hard at producing behaviors that cause the situation or relationship to deteriorate and in some cases dissolve.
Thinking is one of my favorite pastimes and I have wondered and am wondering now.....WHY? Finding good and positive feelings is hard enough in our world ...but , to destroy the ones that you have or could have is a puzzlement to me. Here are a few of my thoughts on the why of it all. I am sure you have more of your own and your own questions on this subject as I see it happening quite a bit.
I think this is a very complex subject and I will not be able to get into deep psychological reasons as I am not qualified to. I will speak only from my observations and my personal opinion based on dealing with many many people during my life. I am certainly no expert or I wouldn't be writing this musing :-)
I think fear is the basis for some of these behaviors. Some people are afraid of good things....probably because they don't feel good about themselves...so, as you show that you feel good about them...they become uncomfortable and start "acting out". Usually, what happens is that their behaviors work and the good feelings from you ,that they were uncomfortable with, turn negative. Although, this was their intent....they are not happy with this outcome either....so further "acting out" behaviors usually persist. I wish I knew the answer to turning this type of situation around.....but, I do not. It is very hurtful to oneself and difficult to continually deal with insensitive, negative, and troubled people.
The next big factor , I think, is that manners....social graces...have gone by the wayside. There seems to be fewer Thank You's....fewer acknowledgements.....very little appreciation expressed.....however, people seem to still have the expectation that you will continue to support and encourage their efforts without them being gracious about yours. I see this happening a lot, especially on the internet. I do not know why people think this...perhaps, being too self centered and self absorbed..a feeling of entitlement....could be factors that cause this lack of graciousness.
I am , perhaps, a bit simplistic in my approach to people and situations. I have always felt that everyone who crosses my path deserves, unless shown otherwise, a kind, honest, and gracious approach and response by me. I want people to feel good communicating with me. I like to think that this simple approach and regard for people has brought me all the wonderful supportive people in my world today. However, this approach also encourages those that have this negative approach to things to "take advantage" of what they perceive as "easy going", "nice", and "soft touch" of a person. I have even written a separate musing about this phenomenon....Softhearted...is not ...Softheaded.. If you are a kind and gracious person as a rule, I know you have run into these types of persons, also. For further thoughts on the subject, please read or listen to ...Softhearted...is not....Softheaded...
So, the next question is always...what to do about it. Here's what I do , have done, and will continue to do as this situation occurs in my world. It will, because ....people are people and each person has different values. Once , this poor or thoughtless treatment starts....I give it a bit of time to make sure that it's not a character flaw but just simple mistakes or extenuating circumstances...I have a saying that seems to prove itself true too many times......"It sometimes takes a while for the "jerk" to show thru".....but, if one is there within a person...it always does.
Those of you who follow my musings know what I am going to say next...yes,......you have to remove yourself from these types of people so that negative energy from them does not disrupt your world. It is possible to "redeem" some of these situations....I have done so with a few in my past...but, it's a 2-way street.....and the odds are not good when you deal with the insensitive , troubled and self-absorbed people that I have been discussing...To be more direct and specific.....I am not sure it is possible to make someone ...kind, sensitive, trustworthy and of good character. Someone, who you want to continue to share your feelings and communications with in a trusting and positive environment.
As a final thought, it is very important that we not allow other people's negative treatment of us to impact our future interactions with others. We would be short changing ourselves, for sure. We just have to be discerning and aware while continuing to be our natural selves.
QUOTES:
"Honesty is an expensive gift....do not expect it from cheap people" - Warren Buffet
"People who don't see their nature and imagine they can practice thoughtlessness all the time are liars and fools." - Bodhidharma
"As selfishness and complaint pervert the mind, so love with its joy clears and sharpens the vision." - Helen Keller
"Being sorry is the highest act of selfishness, seeing value only after discarding it". - Douglas Horton
I have always sought out positive situations and feelings. I have found , in my life and looking at others, that the negatives in life find you fast enough . So, there is no need to create them.... let alone, create them by purposefully destroying a positive situation . Yet, for some reason, many people do just that. I have seen ....and experienced...time after time..people who have a positive relationship or the potential of a positive relationship work ever so hard at producing behaviors that cause the situation or relationship to deteriorate and in some cases dissolve.
Thinking is one of my favorite pastimes and I have wondered and am wondering now.....WHY? Finding good and positive feelings is hard enough in our world ...but , to destroy the ones that you have or could have is a puzzlement to me. Here are a few of my thoughts on the why of it all. I am sure you have more of your own and your own questions on this subject as I see it happening quite a bit.
I think this is a very complex subject and I will not be able to get into deep psychological reasons as I am not qualified to. I will speak only from my observations and my personal opinion based on dealing with many many people during my life. I am certainly no expert or I wouldn't be writing this musing :-)
I think fear is the basis for some of these behaviors. Some people are afraid of good things....probably because they don't feel good about themselves...so, as you show that you feel good about them...they become uncomfortable and start "acting out". Usually, what happens is that their behaviors work and the good feelings from you ,that they were uncomfortable with, turn negative. Although, this was their intent....they are not happy with this outcome either....so further "acting out" behaviors usually persist. I wish I knew the answer to turning this type of situation around.....but, I do not. It is very hurtful to oneself and difficult to continually deal with insensitive, negative, and troubled people.
The next big factor , I think, is that manners....social graces...have gone by the wayside. There seems to be fewer Thank You's....fewer acknowledgements.....very little appreciation expressed.....however, people seem to still have the expectation that you will continue to support and encourage their efforts without them being gracious about yours. I see this happening a lot, especially on the internet. I do not know why people think this...perhaps, being too self centered and self absorbed..a feeling of entitlement....could be factors that cause this lack of graciousness.
I am , perhaps, a bit simplistic in my approach to people and situations. I have always felt that everyone who crosses my path deserves, unless shown otherwise, a kind, honest, and gracious approach and response by me. I want people to feel good communicating with me. I like to think that this simple approach and regard for people has brought me all the wonderful supportive people in my world today. However, this approach also encourages those that have this negative approach to things to "take advantage" of what they perceive as "easy going", "nice", and "soft touch" of a person. I have even written a separate musing about this phenomenon....Softhearted...is not ...Softheaded.. If you are a kind and gracious person as a rule, I know you have run into these types of persons, also. For further thoughts on the subject, please read or listen to ...Softhearted...is not....Softheaded...
So, the next question is always...what to do about it. Here's what I do , have done, and will continue to do as this situation occurs in my world. It will, because ....people are people and each person has different values. Once , this poor or thoughtless treatment starts....I give it a bit of time to make sure that it's not a character flaw but just simple mistakes or extenuating circumstances...I have a saying that seems to prove itself true too many times......"It sometimes takes a while for the "jerk" to show thru".....but, if one is there within a person...it always does.
Those of you who follow my musings know what I am going to say next...yes,......you have to remove yourself from these types of people so that negative energy from them does not disrupt your world. It is possible to "redeem" some of these situations....I have done so with a few in my past...but, it's a 2-way street.....and the odds are not good when you deal with the insensitive , troubled and self-absorbed people that I have been discussing...To be more direct and specific.....I am not sure it is possible to make someone ...kind, sensitive, trustworthy and of good character. Someone, who you want to continue to share your feelings and communications with in a trusting and positive environment.
As a final thought, it is very important that we not allow other people's negative treatment of us to impact our future interactions with others. We would be short changing ourselves, for sure. We just have to be discerning and aware while continuing to be our natural selves.
QUOTES:
"Honesty is an expensive gift....do not expect it from cheap people" - Warren Buffet
"People who don't see their nature and imagine they can practice thoughtlessness all the time are liars and fools." - Bodhidharma
"As selfishness and complaint pervert the mind, so love with its joy clears and sharpens the vision." - Helen Keller
"Being sorry is the highest act of selfishness, seeing value only after discarding it". - Douglas Horton
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