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​Musings

These posts are my musings and cover many topics.  Some posts will be observations that I have made over my lifetime...some will be what I call, truisms.  Truisms that I have developed from having to deal with the tough situations life sometimes deals us.  I developed these little philosophies to help me avoid a situation in the future or  to allow me to have a better outcome the next time around.  All observations, truisms , and whatever other post this blog contains are  based on my own personal experiences and  opinions.  Hopefully, some post will be of some help to someone in a situation or  give someone another perspective...another way of looking/thinking about a situation that is helpful.  I love writing these posts and I appreciate you  reading them :-)

Please be aware there is a NEW  feature added to  some of the Musings.....AUDIO....There will be an audio bar on those Musings that offer this option.....You may not feel like reading at that moment....now you may listen:-)

Quote:

"All our words are but crumbs that fall down from the feast of the mind."- Gibran

SOFT HEARTED.... DOES NOT MEAN...SOFT HEADED!

9/19/2013

2 Comments

 
A good friend and I were talking the other day about how it seems that some people think that when you are kind or extra nice and understanding that it means you can be taken advantage of .  Has that ever happened to you?  I think its happened to all of us at one time or another .

Normally, I tend to be watchful of this human shortfall but I got caught myself recently.  New people moved into the rental property next door a few months ago and became problematic right from the start.  Usually, I believe in dealing with things strongly from the outset in these situations but......I was busy with music things and didn't want that negative energy so I tried reason and being pleasant  a few times....I finally realized as these "incidents" started to escalate that these people thought I was weak (soft headed) because I was being nice and reasonable with them(soft hearted) instead of involving city authorities.  That has since been fixed :-)  They no longer think that I am soft headed and certainly, not soft hearted !!

So, what are we to do?  Be "tough" on everyone with the attitude that they are going to take advantage of us.?....be suspicious of friends motives? etc..?  No, we can't do that because if we close off our soft hearted feelings of kindness and generosity we will miss all the wonderful experiences with people that these feelings can bring us. People who appreciate and reciprocate our kindness and soft heartedness.

I think we need to understand what our boundaries/perimeters are and when those boundaries/perimeters are crossed we need to deal with it right away and firmly.  Sometimes, it helps to communicate what our perimeters are early on in  relationships......now, I did do that with my recent situation...I explained nicely and reasonably what my expectations were (simply stay on your own property and do no damage to mine)...where I fell short this time was  not following thru with action once those expectations were not met.  I need to take my own advice, for sure.....and will do so next time around :-)

In give and take type relationships of any kind...even casual ones....we have to be sure that give and take is really happening  and appropriate appreciation is expressed.  Really, it comes down to respect/regard and gracious manners.  I have a lovely neighbor a few doors down who has old fashioned values and we have become fast friends for the past several years....I'll call her Jeanette for this writing....she brings me  goody type things....I thank her and follow up with a call on how good it was etc etc....then in few days she receives a goody or something from the garden from me and I receive the thanks and appreciation....it is comforting and reassuring and creates warm feelings on both sides.  She is very soft hearted to me but, then, I am also to her.....as it should be.

Many of us do a lot of communicating on the internet for various reasons...chats....social media....group participation sites like sound cloud.....sometimes I notice that  there a lack of regard or respect for others...perhaps, it is due to the lack of time and short communications ....however,  I notice I am drawn to those communicators who show regard for the other "fellow" and notice that others feel the same as I. It seems to be a subset of the soft hearted issue above.....people want you to support them, respond to them, and offer info (as in a chat request) and help but do not offer reciprocating support and appropriate appreciation such as a simple ...thank you.  You don't see these types of communicators really lasting long with that kind of regard for others, fortunately. Once I identify someone like that I do remove myself from their communications quickly as do others, I am sure......

Being soft hearted, generous and kind are great qualities in all areas of life (including internet communications) but, we all have to be aware so our perimeters/boundaries are not crossed and we are not taken advantage of and perceived as weak or soft headed.

Some Quotes on the subject :

"I think there is only one quality worse than hardness of heart and that is softness of head."- Theodore Roosevelt

"You can't always be nice. That's how people take advantage of you.  Sometimes you have to set boundaries." - Ritu Ghatourey
2 Comments
Creative Soul
9/19/2013 03:33:42 am

This is so beautifully written, and creates such a vivid vision to follow.
It is also quite relative to my wife and I as we too had new neighbors move-on a rental property next to us where we had once lived, and in short it became uncomfortable from the get-go.
Simple respect goes a long way in our book, but they showed nothing remotely similar. Unfortunately, sometimes putting the best foot forward doesn't ensure good relations, and neither does putting your foot-down because it can escalate things.
What this experience brought us to realize was the opening up to the possibilities we hadn't thought possible. In other words, when it feels like one door shuts, another might open.
We have similar values when it comes to public websites as soundcloud. Because of recent experience, I'm watchful of expectations; I try being reasonable when others do not reciprocate as I'd like. Since a recent move my time is terribly limited due to things as renovations, daily necessities, and creativity, etc. So, it has reminded me our responsibilities "can" limit us. As much as I'd like to reciprocate (more), it becomes a personal tug-of-war and need to balance so as not to spread myself too thin.
Truly beautiful topic/post; your postings are such a joy to read... thank you

Reply
Mellow Cello link
9/19/2013 06:03:38 am

Dear Randy...thank you so much for reading and participating with your very insightful comments (as usual :-) )....I hear you about the Cloud situation and facebook and I am going to add Cello Chat......I have met so many wonderful people from the result of my participation with all 3 of these "sites"...you and Kimberly being two of several more....However, I couldn't agree more and a "friend Clouder" and I were just emailing about it recently....it seems sometimes the climate has changed from a supportive and mutual regard for people's music to one of a self serving nature....You can see I do not follow many people....but, even so, I do a continual "weeding" of my following garden....I , too, have no extra time to waste...i carry a very heavy lesson load and work many days 4-6 hrs on music (not all play time)....i want to make sure I have time to support and comment on those people who support me on a continual basis...i work hard at doing that because it takes time to really listen and think about what to say....i know you do that also, as your thoughtful and supportive comments on my music and others' attest to that....I agree that we have to keep a close eye on making our time count ....i have thought that I would have to be a bit more discerning about this also.....your comments have added value to my musing and caused me to share, further, my thoughts on the subject....I appreciate that, Randy, and know other readers will gain value from your comments....I appreciate them and you......

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    Who Am I ? 

    I am an adult female who is a cellist, composer, and a student of life experiences (by necessity).  I feel we are all students in life until the day we die.  I am, a realist and I try to stay grounded in what I feel is  the truth in any situation. I feel we have a responsibility to God, ourselves, and the people who love us to be the very best person we can be.

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