Blog Posts

DEAD ON THE SIDE....AND ..HAPPY ABOUT IT !

3/4/2014

This musing is dedicated to all those out there, in the world, striving and pursuing their dreams. I have one word to say to you....my favorite music word...BRAVO !!!!!!

In the past 10 days or so, I completed a major cello work. Hadyn's Cello Concerto in D Major....Adagio .....I have been working a minimum of 4 hrs a day...sometimes more.(most days)..for 3 months. I knew from the moment I started it I loved it..it was in my heart.... and I wanted to learn it very badly. For those of you who read my musings, it is another finish line for me. This piece is a professional level piece and way above my pay grade but , I felt, that if I invested everything I had , I could do it. Three weeks ago I was very close, but ,needed more time...more work...my teacher said I was doing all things right but I needed more time to train my brain/muscles so I took a sabbatical from lessons. A sabbatical to work until I could not do better....it was a gift I had to give myself. I did not do this with the E minor(Brahms) and I regretted it...I'm still thinking about it months and months later. I was not going to do this with my Haydn. So, I told my teacher, I would call when I was done .

I have always had a philosophy about doing my best. Although goal oriented, I never minded if I didn't meet my expectation level ( I do not care about someone else's expectations at all), if I did my best...gave it my best effort....Everyone has heard that phrase...but, what does it mean.....I have a favorite saying that tells clearly what it means to me....it is in the Vitamins for the Mind section of this site:

"Resolve says, "I will". The man says"I will climb this mountain. they told me it is too high, too far, too steep, too rocky and too difficult. But it is my mountain. I will climb it. You will soon see me waving from the top or dead on the side from trying." Jim Rohn

This saying of Mr. Rohns says it all for me....my best effort is being dead on the side from trying...metaphorically , of course :-)....to me, it means I am exhausted mentally and physically and burned out from trying and working. Then I know ,I can't do better. I am happy with what I have done even though I may have fallen short of my expectations.

So, I took the time on sabbatical to see just how far I could go in my goal with this music. It was gift to me. It was so worth it and in the future when I have something I want to learn , I am giving myself all the time I need to learn it until I can do no more....This has made me very very happy. I have the recording sitting on my computer for my teacher this week .....did I meet my expectation level for the Haydn ?...no, I did not...but, my level of expectation was an impossible one to meet with the experience I have. I know I did my best because....I was dead by the side from trying.....and I was very happy and satisfied about it.

Fortunately, I do not expect another major piece that I care about that much for a few months or so...that will be Chopin's Nocturne in Eb.....I have been waiting a long time to play this piece in the original Eb flat key.....so...I had better keep my favorite saying close by to remind me of what it might take:-)

QUOTES:

"We all have dreams. But in order to make dreams come into reality, it takes an awful lot of determination, dedication, self-discipline, and effort." - Jesse Owens

"Continuous effort - not strength or intelligence - is the key to unlocking our potential." - Winston Churchill

"Satisfaction lies in the effort, not in the attainment, full effort is full victory." - Mahatma Gandhi

"Strength and growth come only through continuous effort and struggle." - Napoleon Hill

"It is only through labor and painful effort, by grim energy and resolute courage, that we move on to better things." -
Theodore Roosevelt

Last but, not least....one of my favorites:

"Happiness lies in the joy of achievement and the thrill of creative effort."
Franklin D. Roosevelt

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FOR THE LOVE OF BEAUTIFUL SOUNDS.......

2/14/2014

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This is a personal musing and might not suit the interests of many of my regular readers but, it has been on my mind all day ...well....since yesterday actually. I am thinking I can get it out of mind by writing about it....that usually works wonders for me :-)

I have been studying scales and their associated chords so I can learn and apply what I learn to my compositions....my little cello songs that make me so happy writing them....you can hear them on my Musical Musings page.
I have studied and written music in C Major, F Major, G Major, and my beloved E Minor....well, beloved until new wonderful sounds hit my ears the other day. I heard the most beautiful scale with its lovely sounding chords and knew this would be my next project. The scale that I am speaking of is...Bb Major....to those who are not conversant in scales...it doesn't matter what that name means...it is the sounds that are important.

These chords that belong to Bb Major have sounds that to my ear...right off....said: gentle, kind, soothing, peaceful, and smooth...very smooth sounding to my ears. So , I can not get those sounds out of my mind and started a new composition this evening called SOLILOQUY (Opus 5)....I will also use these beautiful chords as background music (hopefully) for the Frost poem I talk about in my previous musing.

I was talking to a non musician friend this evening and she asked what does it sound like...she is not computer literate so I am unable to send her the chord progression I did with these chords.......
I told her to envision her tired head sinking into soft pillows....or pulling a comforter close on a cool night.....or sitting quietly drinking coffee and thinking pleasant thoughts...or being in a hammock with a gentle breeze...it sounds like that and so much more to my ears, I said....I will play the chords for her when she comes over so she will get to hear them :-)

Well, I feel better and clearer minded having written and told you about how these sounds affected me and how enthralled I am with them. You may be wondering what they sound like to your ears..so, I have put an audio snippet ,at the end of this musing , of a Bb Major chord progression I made yesterday. I hope you like it and can hear the characteristics that I mentioned of the overall sounds.....if not, that is ok too, as all ears like different sounds.....

If you, my musing reader or listener, are still with me, I thank you for reading or listening about my love of Bb Major chord sounds. I feel much better having talked with you about them:-) My hope, now, is that I do them justice in my compositions:-)

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THE ROAD LESS TRAVELED...........

2/7/2014

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Over the past few months, I seem to be "running" into my favorite poem or snippets of it. It keeps appearing on my FB newsline or in a motavational news letter. It always gets me to thinking which is probably why I have favored it thruout my life. You know, from the title , of course, , that I am referring to Robert Frost's No Road Traveled....a most famous poem. I think I relate to and love this poem because I feel I tend to take the road less traveled and always have.....it has benefited me and ...cost me also.

The words group, majority, popular opinion, mid -range, fitting in, average, are words I have never been interested in being part of. I even have a favorite "label" that I use...."average bear"...and it is never meant as a compliment. I have admired people thru out my life who marched to their own drummer and by doing so became unique , successful and most important (to me)...interesting people.

I had a VP at the Company I worked for pay me the best...the very best compliment I have ever been paid at that time.....He was calling me to ask me to leave my current job and come work with him on a special task force....a task force he called the "skunk works"...an " in" word at the time....he was a Harvard guy ...it was for a brain storming future planning type group. Well, believe me, I had no skills or education for that type of thing..so, I asked him....why me?...why do you want me with my limited skills in that area...he said...."You are left of center and I trust you implicitly to tell me the truth about projects and issues even if it hurts your position. "...It was the left of center part that caused me to leave my job and it was the right thing to do at the time. Just to add to the story....this man backed me when I told him something needed to be done....100%..he also was "left of center" and I respected him and held him in high regard.

I have always admired people who stood out by their achievements ...when i was a young beginning person...my role model was Joy Adamason.....Author of Living Free, Born Free and Forever Free. I admired her so much , I wrote her a letter a while before my 24th Birthday telling her that she inspired me to follow my dreams and I received an answer on my birthday...from Africa and although typed..it had a personal note....thrilled?...oh , yes, I was thrilled. Years later when I took a safari to Africa, I met people who knew her. She has been a role model thru out my life as she followed her dreams and had a very strong will and mind and did so much good for the Lions there... .... She always followed the road less traveled in her life......

I put a scan of her letter to me after the Quote section. It is very difficult to read but, it still creates an emotional feeling within when I read it...especially her handwritten note to me.....

Another person that has given me inspiration to make it on my own was Susan Butcher....4 time winner of the Iditarod Race in Alaska......She died early in her life and when I discovered that she died a few years back....I emailed her family to tell them the impact Susan made on this woman's life. Susan...on her own....went to Alaska to be a musher....she walked over a half mile several times a day to bring water to her dogs in her kennel that she set up herself...on her own. She worked at a Salmon factory to support her dreams in addition to doing all that work in such a remote and harsh environment. She was on her own for several years before she married. Unfortunately her life was cut short but , I am sure she made an impact on many peoples lives...not only mine.

Both of these people and many many others traveled down their own road ....a road that was certainly not well-traveled.

I know it is obvious I have chosen women as role models thru out my life....while, that is not entirely true, however, I had to make it in a world that, at the time, did not offer women ...and others...the same opportunities that men had. Understanding and seeing that other women had made it and were following their dreams which were most challenging....helped me keep going towards my goals and dreams....and achieving them. It is a different world today for people. Back then , a female person had to be 3 times as good as the male persons in her world to obtain advancement and acceptance. I could write musings day and night with unbelievable , but true, incidents that occurred . It certainly was a challenging road to travel at the time for me, but, an exciting and successful one. The side roads in life , for myself, offer the most adventures, excitement, and challenges and that has always been the attraction
for me ......and still is.

This is the poem that has meant so much to me in my life .....it is my intent and hope to compose music and read it with this music and put it on my Musical Musings page :-)....but, I have never attempted anything like that before ..so, can't say it will happen for sure :-)....just , another road less traveled to walk down......

The Road Not Taken by Robert Frost

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

Perhaps, you , my musing reader or listener, have taken a road or two that was not too well traveled or you might be on one now....like I am. I am wishing you much excitement and reward along its way. For those of you who like a well traveled road, perhaps, one day this Frost poem will pop into mind and that side road that no one has traveled will call out to you and....you will take it :-)

QUOTES:

Prudence keeps life safe, but does not often make it happy. ~Samuel Johnson

Only those who dare to fail greatly can ever achieve greatly. ~Robert F. Kennedy

Adventure may hurt but monotony will kill you. ~Author Unknown

Never be afraid to try something new. Remember, amateurs built the ark; professionals built the Titanic. ~Author Unknown

I am always doing that which I cannot do, in order that I may learn how to do it. ~Pablo Picasso

A ship in harbor is safe - but that is not what ships are for. ~John A. Shedd

Joy Adamson's letter to me on my 24th Birthday.....

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DREAMS......LOST.... AND FOUND.....

1/28/2014

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This musing is about our dreams and the importance in keeping them alive thruout our lives.

Dreams....Dreams are what keep us going day after day.....we think about them....dream about them....talk about them...and we work towards them, the best we can... dreams are a very personal part of us and offers us hope even through the challenges and disappointments that life brings us.

I have never used fiction as a part of any of my musings because I have never written it..ever....I wrote a lot in my career but it was all like my musings...truth as I knew it based on researched facts or my personal opinion. In this musing about lost dreams.....I am using a story I just wrote ...my first ever, so,please, don't judge me too harshly.....this one just happened as I had an idea.

This is a story about a man and his dreams.....when he was young, he was full of energy and his dreams....it doesn't matter what those dreams were....we can imagine....but, they were his and he worked towards them every day. Then , one day this man met a woman he loved . He thought about his dreams but decided on love and they married. He had put aside his dreams...oh no....not forgotten...just put aside...for the time being he told himself. Then the children came and another job was needed to take care of life's responsibilities. He was a good man....a family man.... Oh, yes....he thought of his dreams and from to time he tried to move forward and make progress towards them....but, life...and its surprises and demands always seemed to stop him in his tracks. But, his dreams were always in the back of his mind.....waiting.....
...they kept him warm when life's winters turned bleak and cold.

Time moved along as it does.....the children grew....the man got a little older....a little more tired.....still working at his boring job every day. But, in the back of his mind...there were those dreams....keeping vigil on his life as it moved on in time.

When the man reached his later years he tried to pursue his dream.....he put forth as much effort as he could but, sometimes the world is cruel and he had a hard time achieving what he dreamed due his age limitations. His dream it turns out is a young man's dream and too much time has been lost. He continued on in what capacity he could working in the area that his dream was in and it was satisfying but, he knew he would never achieve the dream in his lifetime.

Age took over and illness came...serious illness....as the man lay there breathing his last few breaths...what else was there to do but think about his life and his dreams. He made his choices early on and was satisfied as he thought about his life and how he lived it. But he knew he had lost his dream...... As his breath grew even more shallow and his eyes start to close for the last time...he became aware of a feeling of overwhelming peace and knew he would find his lost dream at last.......on the other side.

Those of you who read my musings know I have a dream....one that I had since I was 12 years old.....I talk about the details in my Cello Journey and the First Finish Line musings. I, too, made a similar choice as the man. During my life the loss of my dream was so painful I could hardly listen to music. One day , a bit later in life, a friend took me to see a new cellist soloing at our concert hall...Yo Yo Ma.....he was doing this because I had talked about my dream....at that point in my life I was working day and night to make a career...no time for thoughts of cello....he thought he was making me happy and was concerned that as I sat and listened...tears ran thruout the whole performance......I was feeling my dream...which was reminding me, it was still there...waiting.

Now, of course, as my musings point out...all is well...more than well....I am aggressively pursuing my second chance and I am living my life's dream .

It probably sounds like I am pointing out that the man made the wrong decision for himself and that I wish I had a made another choice when I was young. No.....I am not saying that....since the story is fiction we can't suppose for the man, but, I would make the same choices I did thruout my life because I love the life I made.....the bad led to all the good and there was a lot of that, for sure !!

What I'm pointing out from my experience and readings is that dreams are very important to us at all stages of our lives. We need to think carefully about our decisions and our priorities and keep our dreams in mind. I feel I would be remiss if I didn't say that if we want success in any area...dream or not....we have to be prepared to do whatever it takes to get it....commitment, focus, and a lot of diligent work. But, that is just a given.

I hope you, my reader or listener , as the case may be, are working on your dreams and if, at this time, you are not able to.... due to life's circumstances.....I hope you keep dreaming them:-)

QUOTES:

"All our dreams can come true, if we have the courage to pursue them." -
Walt Disney

"The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams." -
Eleanor Roosevelt

"A dream doesn't become reality through magic; it takes sweat, determination and hard work." -
Colin Powell

"Do all you can to make your dreams come true." - Joel Osteen

Note:
I believe with my deepest being in the following quote.....

"Without leaps of imagination, or dreaming, we lose the excitement of possibilities. Dreaming, after all, is a form of planning." - Gloria Steinem

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HAPPY...A STATE OF MIND AND......HEART.....

1/24/2014

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I have been trying to figure out all week what to write this musing about... No......it's not that I have nothing in mind to talk about(that rarely happens with me)...it's that I have too much and it is all interrelated. I receive a lot of enewsletters from my favorite motivational guys and each one had such valuable material in it ....I was in musing overload. Then.........

The other day, a good friend of mine, who composes the most beautiful music, made 2 very very happy pieces of music with me in mind.....Clown Orchestra music....now, you just know, that has to be very happy music...and it was.....he gave me instructions to listen to the music in the morning with coffee and in the evening with coffee again...and to talk to my friends ....read good books and this would keep me happy:-) It got me to thinking how important it is that we understand that we are responsible for what makes us happy. We have only ourselves to blame if we are not. Those of you who have read some of my other musings know how I feel about removing ourselves from people who have less than desirable qualities and behaviors ...basically people who hurt us and cause stress....and letting bad and hurtful situations "go" and "moving on". This "happy" thing is a big subject though, so , I went to my newsletters and quotes that get posted daily to my facebook newsline to get some good info to pass along to you. I knew this musing had to be about being happy.

There is a process...a way of thinking...actually,...that creates the happy inside us. At first you would think that our lives have to be free of problems of any kind...health, money, job and love problems....but, all of us has seen people with the most challenging of problems have joy in their lives......you can feel it and see it on their faces...so, no matter our trials and tribulations...we can create a feeling of happy inside of us....we may not have control over the problems that life sends us but.....being happy is something we do have control over. I always go to the experts when I need clarity on an issue of any kind...so.....

I am going to do some quoting from an excellent newsletter I received from Brian Tracy...one of my most favorite motivational guys.....this is a direct quote from his information....

"Sometimes people feel that they are controlled by external circumstances. But the fact is that your life is largely determined by your own personal choices and decisions in every area. You are where you are and what you are because of yourself. you have gotten yourself to where you are as the result of the choices and decisions that you have made in the past.

One of the most important discoveries in the 20th century thought has been the central role of the actions that you take. An action is defined as something with a consequence. Using this definition, even an inaction can be considered to be an action, because inaction, or a failure to act on your part, has a consequence that can dramatically impact your life."

I could never write about this subject any better than that. Based on my life's experience and my personal philosophy as to what works for me.....I totally agree with Mr. Tracy's words. I also agree with what follows ...his words on values and how important they are on how good a person feels....another direct quote from Mr. Tracy...

"The most important actions that you take in determining the quality of your life revolve around the virtues and values that you decide to embrace and live by.... They are as important to your life as breathing in and breathing out. The fact is that everything that you do is largely determined by what you feel to be good and right and true about life and people-your values!
When you are living consistent with your values, you feel good about yourself. When you are living inconsistent with your values, you feel badly about yourself."

Most of my musings are based on the effects of dealing with people who are unhappy with themselves for various reasons and many times it has to do with the quality of values they have. Also, many people , I have found(mostly too late) blame others or situations for their unhappiness.....and continue in a downward spiral with negative thoughts thru out their life and will drag others along with them. It is hard for me spot unhappy people sometimes because they can act happy at first. But, eventually, the behaviors that reflect this inside unhappiness shows thru. Sometimes , I can "feel" this unhappy feeling in others but , sometimes not. I am not speaking about having problems or a "bad " day or any of the things that make us human. I am speaking of innate unhappiness at their core. It really is hard for me to tell sometimes, until I am on the receiving end of their unhappiness...usually, it starts with unkindness towards others.....it is hard to be kind to others if you do not feel good about yourself....sort of like...dishonest people being suspicious of others because they are dishonest. Unhappiness within self shows up with a "crabby" shortness with people, also...we have all run into these kinds of people...difficult to deal with....basically negative ....you just know there is little happy inside them. Unfortunately, it makes us feel bad also...puts a damper on things so to speak.

The one thing I have always consistently tried to do...and again, I mention this in several of my musings...is stay away from people who are unhappy and negative as soon as I realize the fact...and to be around people who are kind, thoughtful, and approach life with a happy feel good attitude. Truthfully, I work hard at being happy in my own life because I do know I am responsible for it.. Happy doesn't just happen...it is like a garden...to successfully grow things....like feelings of happiness....cultivation, thought and care has to be taken. So, I am responsible for it just like I am responsible for how well I play the cello ..or anything else I do.

I hope everyone reading or listening to this has a lot of happiness inside them and are surrounded with happy people in their lives...and if not, can give their situation some thought and then change it.

QUOTES:

"No one is in charge of your happiness......except you" - anonymous

"The mind is its own place, and in itself can make a heav'n of hell and a hell of a heav'n."
-- John Milton, poet

"The happiness of your life depends on the quality of your thoughts"- Brian Tracy

"Be with those who bring out the best in you....not the stress in you" - Brian Tracy

"The mind is its own place, and in itself can make a heav'n of hell and a hell of a heav'n."
-- John Milton, poet

"The soul becomes dyed with the color of its thoughts" - Marcus Aurelius

"Always make time for things that make you feel happy to be alive " - Brian Tracy

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I WAS WONDERING........

1/7/2014

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Lately there have been a couple of situations that have caused me to shake my head and wonder.....about people and how some of them can turn a very positive situation into one that is negative. During my years in the school of life , I have seen this happen time after time. I have seen friends that it happened to, acquaintances , and I have certainly had it happen to me.....as in these recent situations.

I have always sought out positive situations and feelings. I have found , in my life and looking at others, that the negatives in life find you fast enough . So, there is no need to create them.... let alone, create them by purposefully destroying a positive situation . Yet, for some reason, many people do just that. I have seen ....and experienced...time after time..people who have a positive relationship or the potential of a positive relationship work ever so hard at producing behaviors that cause the situation or relationship to deteriorate and in some cases dissolve.

Thinking is one of my favorite pastimes and I have wondered and am wondering now.....WHY? Finding good and positive feelings is hard enough in our world ...but , to destroy the ones that you have or could have is a puzzlement to me. Here are a few of my thoughts on the why of it all. I am sure you have more of your own and your own questions on this subject as I see it happening quite a bit.

I think this is a very complex subject and I will not be able to get into deep psychological reasons as I am not qualified to. I will speak only from my observations and my personal opinion based on dealing with many many people during my life. I am certainly no expert or I wouldn't be writing this musing :-)

I think fear is the basis for some of these behaviors. Some people are afraid of good things....probably because they don't feel good about themselves...so, as you show that you feel good about them...they become uncomfortable and start "acting out". Usually, what happens is that their behaviors work and the good feelings from you ,that they were uncomfortable with, turn negative. Although, this was their intent....they are not happy with this outcome either....so further "acting out" behaviors usually persist. I wish I knew the answer to turning this type of situation around.....but, I do not. It is very hurtful to oneself and difficult to continually deal with insensitive, negative, and troubled people.

The next big factor , I think, is that manners....social graces...have gone by the wayside. There seems to be fewer Thank You's....fewer acknowledgements.....very little appreciation expressed.....however, people seem to still have the expectation that you will continue to support and encourage their efforts without them being gracious about yours. I see this happening a lot, especially on the internet. I do not know why people think this...perhaps, being too self centered and self absorbed..a feeling of entitlement....could be factors that cause this lack of graciousness.

I am , perhaps, a bit simplistic in my approach to people and situations. I have always felt that everyone who crosses my path deserves, unless shown otherwise, a kind, honest, and gracious approach and response by me. I want people to feel good communicating with me. I like to think that this simple approach and regard for people has brought me all the wonderful supportive people in my world today. However, this approach also encourages those that have this negative approach to things to "take advantage" of what they perceive as "easy going", "nice", and "soft touch" of a person. I have even written a separate musing about this phenomenon....Softhearted...is not ...Softheaded.. If you are a kind and gracious person as a rule, I know you have run into these types of persons, also. For further thoughts on the subject, please read or listen to ...Softhearted...is not....Softheaded...

So, the next question is always...what to do about it. Here's what I do , have done, and will continue to do as this situation occurs in my world. It will, because ....people are people and each person has different values. Once , this poor or thoughtless treatment starts....I give it a bit of time to make sure that it's not a character flaw but just simple mistakes or extenuating circumstances...I have a saying that seems to prove itself true too many times......"It sometimes takes a while for the "jerk" to show thru".....but, if one is there within a person...it always does.

Those of you who follow my musings know what I am going to say next...yes,......you have to remove yourself from these types of people so that negative energy from them does not disrupt your world. It is possible to "redeem" some of these situations....I have done so with a few in my past...but, it's a 2-way street.....and the odds are not good when you deal with the insensitive , troubled and self-absorbed people that I have been discussing...To be more direct and specific.....I am not sure it is possible to make someone ...kind, sensitive, trustworthy and of good character. Someone, who you want to continue to share your feelings and communications with in a trusting and positive environment.

As a final thought, it is very important that we not allow other people's negative treatment of us to impact our future interactions with others. We would be short changing ourselves, for sure. We just have to be discerning and aware while continuing to be our natural selves.

QUOTES:

"Honesty is an expensive gift....do not expect it from cheap people" - Warren Buffet

"People who don't see their nature and imagine they can practice thoughtlessness all the time are liars and fools." - Bodhidharma

"As selfishness and complaint pervert the mind, so love with its joy clears and sharpens the vision." - Helen Keller

"Being sorry is the highest act of selfishness, seeing value only after discarding it". - Douglas Horton

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PROMISE...A Beautiful..... ...Feeling....

12/26/2013

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Words are important to me and when I use them, there is always thought behind each one. Lately, I have found myself using and thinking about one word in particular.....PROMISE. I found myself, a month or so ago, using this word to describe a feeling I had when I listened to a piece of beautiful music. I used this word in conjunction with the music every time I listened. When that word came to mind...I wondered why. Is promise a feeling?.... it was the first word that came to mind when I listened and reassuring was the second....or, is promise a verb like...I promise...or a noun....like I give you my promise ? I think promise , for me, is all three. I really liked the "feeling" of promise.

After thinking about the word promise for a while....I think it is a most beautiful word and can mean so much depending on the person's intent who is using it.......

Promise, as a feeling, is most interesting to me and what brought writing this musing to mind.....that feeling of "promise" was a reassuring feeling...a "you can count on it feeling" .... a don't worry..."it's going to happen and be ok kind of feeling."

Perhaps, you are thinking that what I'm talking about is "hope"..but,to me, a hopeful outcome is nothing I can count on ...no...the feeling of promise is more sure in my mind...something that can be expected to happen and there are reasons that it would or could happen.

I am so intrigued by this feeling of "promise" that it is my hope...no....it is my promise that I will write a piece of music that describes this wonderful reassuring feeling. I have been giving it a lot of thought.

I think the feeling of promise is also prevalent around this time of year...a New Year is about to begin. It is my favorite time, because a New Year is always full of possibilities and promise. I really do feel this reassuring feeling of promise as I think about the New Year and what I see laying ahead for me.

I hope , you, my reader or listener, as the case may be, see wonderful possibilities and have this wonderful feeling of promise as you think about your New Year.

Webster's Definition of Promise :

: a statement telling someone that you will definitely do something or that something will definitely happen in the future

: an indication of future success or improvement

: a reason to expect that something will happen in the future

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Writing Music is Like........Writing Musings .....

12/6/2013

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This is the first musing I have written that has no deep meaning.....no truisms....and no life's strategies for when people do you wrong. This musing is about something new I learned about myself the last few days.

I love to write these musings.....they make me feel good. When there is something serious on my mind then I feel good writing about it...like the Loss of Trust one....musings resolve things in my mind for me....they help clarify situations ..

During the past 3 months or so, I have been studying music theory and doing some beginning music writing. This is in addition to my cello studies and work. I have been finding out....much to my surprise ....that I like to write little songs for my cello and even cello duets. It is very exciting for me to be able to put 2 or even more notes together to create a lovely sound and then another 2 or more until a music piece is done . I then play these pieces on my cello until I get them right for my ears and put them on Sound Cloud for my facebook friends and a few others. Also, I write a story about each one...a description....I noticed lately that I really like to do that. A story or description about what the music is portraying for me....usually a feeling or maybe about something....the first one ...a cello duet...was about my cello which I call Zadlo...so I called it Zadlo's Song....everyone was very supportive and it gave me a very good feeling....so I started doing another one and I see this continuing as it gives me pleasure to be able to do these songs that mean something to me and to tell their stories .

I was working hard last night on my new song and I realized....like a light bulb went off...that writing music was , to me, like writing my musings....except , I used notes instead of words...but then, I told their story with words. It also came to mind that each song actually had an intent at its start...not just notes and then figuring out what to call it....no......an actual purpose for being.

During the day, I was thinking about this....trying to get it straight exactly what was going on....and then, I realized....these songs that I love to create and that made me so happy were musical musings....they had a story behind them.....a musical and written story.

Once I realized that, I knew , I was going to do musical musings. Yes, that sounds strange , even to me, but, I am going to give it a try and see if I really like doing it. I think it will be great fun and I will learn a lot. What I am planning to do is establish a new page on this site called....Musical Musings. It will take me a bit to get it set up, as I am so clueless about these things. But, I am excited just thinking about it......what I will have on this page...are musical blogs...like the blog you are reading now....there will be the music piece that I composed...a little story about it...and like my current musings...there will be audio for the text. It can be a totally audio experience for someone ...or not.

I hope when my Musical Musings page gets set up and running, that you will stop by....I think , it will be fun and unique:-)

Quotes:

“Music expresses that which cannot be put into words and that which cannot remain silent”
― Victor Hugo

“Music is to the soul what words are to the mind.”
― Modest Mouse

"Where words fail, music speaks".-
Hans Christian Andersen

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TRUST.....and .....ITS LOSS....

11/26/2013

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This musing on trust is different than the earlier one I did. That one was about ways to tell if you can trust someone. This one is about loss of trust. You have trusted someone and they turned out not to be trustworthy.

First, I want to clarify what kind of trust I am speaking of. It is not business trust . This is about personal trust. The trust that is necessary when you share your thoughts, feelings, and self with someone. No one wants to share their personal feelings and thoughts which show who they are, with someone who is not trustworthy.

I was thinking about the word "trust" today as this musing was on my mind. I feel that "trust" means something a bit different to each one of us. To me. it means feeling "safe" that showing this person who I am and what I think will not be used to "hurt" me in a psychological or emotional way or bring reprisals. I like to have the feeling of assurance that my thoughts and communications are safe with a person. Whatever our personal definition of trust is, the loss of it can be unsettling.

That's what the essence of this musing is .....minimizing the negative feelings we feel when we have lost trust in someone.
This is very important because every moment of pain, confusion, or hurt feelings we have....we are giving power and control to that untrustworthy individual. I have referred to this phenomenon in other musings because it is present in a lot of negative situations that exist in relationships of all types. Once you have determined that a loss of trust has occurred...more directly put...that you realize this person has not been truthful with you and has, perhaps, exhibited behaviors that were meant to hurt or limit you in some way....the situation needs to be ended quickly so that these behaviors no longer can impact your world. When, I experience this type of situation....which I have recently.....I make sure that I do not give any more attention to this person. I find this to be an important first step, for me.

Once, the situation is no longer happening, then the important thing that I tell myself is .....this does not have anything to do with me. I am not at fault for being trusting...usually, these untrustworthy individuals make it easy for people to trust them. The reason it is important not to take to heart what untrustworthy people do....is that , again, to change who you are gives what that person did ...credence, power, control, and validity. I, for one, would never do that. I want to be who I am for the next person I trust, not someone who has been jaded or is overly cautious because of a past experience.

Another issue when dealing with untrustworthy people is....what if they say they are sorry or offer excuses? ...do you give them another chance? I have seen and have experienced personally too many of these situations. Everyone, it seems, does something different based on who they are and their values . I have known people who have given "second, third, and fourth," chances to people who have betrayed their trust . Everyone has to live up to their own values and do what is comfortable for them...I have never given anyone who I have lost trust in even a second chance. I feel strongly that being untrustworthy is next to lying. It has been my personal experience that once someone lies...they will lie again.....same as for being untrustworthy. You can count on that happening again. What, I usually do, is just don't put myself in that position again with that person. However, I am sure, there could an instance where I would consider a second chance, but,... it hasn't happened yet.

To summarize : First, remove yourself from the offending person. Sometimes , this is difficult but, really necessary if it is not to happen again. Second, do not blame yourself because you have a kind heart or a trusting nature. Third, do not change who you are so that you are still open to trusting the next person who had nothing to do with the past situation.

Also, please know and be aware, that people who are like this...untrustworthy, dishonest , cavalier, and hurtful.....are so very unhappy inside. They do not feel the joy of sharing honest thoughts and feelings. It's a high price they pay for being untrustworthy but, a fair one.

QUOTES:

“I'm not upset that you lied to me, I'm upset that from now on I can't believe you.”
― Friedrich Nietzsche

“To be trusted is a greater compliment than being loved.”
― George MacDonald

Few delights can equal the presence of one whom we trust utterly. - George MacDonald

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INTO THE WILD BLUE YONDER....CONQUERING FEAR.......

11/15/2013

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Throughout my life , I have always had a fear of flying and heights. I could manage the flying fear if I was flying in a large aircraft. I did have anxiety etc. but was able to manage it . I was in a job that required a lot of travel but, fortunately, I did all of it in the larger aircraft. Then , our company went regional and that's when the problems began for me. I was, now, having to fly the smaller commuter planes. I could not handle it...I tried, but, the stress level was just getting worse. One day, my boss(Dave) called me into his office.....we had flown to Detroit together the previous day on one of the commuters and there was a very loud growl out of the engines...I grabbed his arm rather harshly as I was startled and petrified. Dave rolled up his sleeve...his forearm was purple and you could see my purple handprint on his arm. What could I say? I said I was sorry, of course.

A few days later, I went to Dave and told him I needed out and a transfer. He told me to get to where I needed to be however I could....I did not need to fly as far as he was concerned. Whew!! ..I loved my job and didn't want to leave.

One week end I was out at the Islands on Lake Erie and there was an old Ford Tri-motor plane and they were selling seats for a ride and by paying extra you could be co-pilot. The romance of this beautiful unique aircraft overtook me and I thought I could handle being upfront...so, I was in the co-pilot seat on that flight. The pilot was so nice and I told him I had a fear of flying but, I was doing good in this plane..he said, I can let you "hold" the aircraft if you want!! Well, I am always up for the adventure and new experience so I said ok...he explained what to do and how it would feel and gave me the plane. It was so heavy in my hands and I absolutely loved it...he let me do this for about a minute or two....it was wonderful. I looked at him and said...I want to learn to fly !!! I loved it !!

Monday morning came and into my boss's office I go and said.. "Dave, guess what?...I am going to take flying lessons". I told him of my experience that week end with The Tin Goose as this plane was called and he said...."I am not surprised....it was the control...if you are in control you won't be afraid !!" He was an ex-airforce pilot back in his day.

My wonderful flying experience began a few weeks later. I flew out of a local small airfield pretty close to home and my flight instructor, Ruth, was an older woman who flew during WW 2. She was so tough and awesome....she was also a flight examiner. She was just the best....I learned so much and the right way.....I was not afraid...but, still could not fly those commuter planes for my job.....I learned in a Cessna 172 and my favorite was 1086F ....I also flew 4802G but, I loved 1086F....each plane "feels " different and that one was so light and easy to fly.

Ruth, put me through it all....the emergency landing tests.....spins...Spins were not a FAA requirement but they were Ruth's requirement....and stalls.... that's when the airplane ceases to fly.....I was well prepared for my first solo flight....me..who had anxiety attacks when having to fly on the job was flying and getting ready to solo. I knew ,then that if I could fly...I could do anything I wanted and nothing would ever stop me.

The big day came and everything went great and it was thrilling ...It was a life changing event for me and it showed me that if fears were faced , they could be conquered.

I received my Private Pilots License in due time and continued flying on week -ends. One of the instructors had a piper cub that I loved and we went up and did some aerobatics sometimes and I liked that a lot ...nothing serious....just some lazy eights , chandelles, and dutch rolls. I loved the feel of doing them. I did them when I flew in 1086F also. I liked the lazy 8's and especially the dutch rolls....I flew for about 4 years....I have logged almost 400 hrs. in my flight log.

Shortly after receiving my Private Pilots License, I thought I would like to get my sea plane rating.....I always liked the romantic stories about seaplane flying in Alaska....so, one vacation I went to Florida and took seaplane lessons at Brownies....but, I never got my rating...I ran out of time and money....but, fun?...oh yes, it was fun landing on the water :-)

I had one emergency situation occur when my oil light warning went on right after leaving Youngstown control and I used the procedures that I knew from training...It was as if time stood still.....I got Youngstown control back...asked for following to the nearest airport....explained the situation......advised I was gaining altitude in case the engine went out...this means I would have more glide potential....it all worked out ok. My airport sent someone to pick me up and it was over.

I went on to study for my Ground Instructor License ...this allows for teaching of Private Pilot and Commercial Theory.. .. I received it and taught a few semesters of Pilot Theory at a local Community College and at the air field,also.

It was then that the FAA changed the requirements to become a Private Pilot....lowered them actually. They added a lower requirement license. I did not agree with that move....I felt people who were flying around in the air needed more training ...not less and I stopped flying and teaching. It was about time as I had almost 400 safe hours and I did not like teaching....I liked learning a lot but, not teaching.

I learned several lessons that I carried on thru my life from this flying experience. One, is that as a pilot, you are responsible for everything...even things you have no control over. That is how I was taught. Life is much like that. You are responsible so you have to make sure you are in control of what is going on. Two, fears should not control you....they have to be faced and conquered. Not doing so, allows them to have control over you. Three, you always have to have your eyes open and be prepared for any emergency. You always had to be watchful for a possible landing spot ...thinking ahead...planning ahead in case something would happen. Great skills for life's problems.

I wouldn't trade any of my flying experiences for anything in the world. As I write this so many more flying adventures come back to mind. It was one of the best things I ever did for myself.

I am sharing my story so that you can see how an ordinary person really can overcome fears on their own and there is such a big payback for doing so. Some fears are good fears and help protect us but, generally, fears are usually limiting us in some way .

It was so much fun going through my photo albums looking for the following photos to share with you :-)

This is the Tin Goose...the antique Ford Tri Motor that started it all for me. The pilot that I referred to turned out to be the actual owner of the Goose. We corresponded off and on and he said if I could arrange vacation and come to Florida for the Air Show...I could help him and his wife give Tin Goose rides at the show....and every time the co-pilot seat was not sold...I could ride. That sounded good to me:-) It was an exciting few days for me and I got to ride the Goose lot...and "hold" it ....this time he worked his feet and I worked the wheel and I even got to try a turn ....I got to chock it when needed, also....I was in heaven....I do not know where the Goose is today or even if it is flying.....

This is me on my solo flight coming in to land on 1086F. I had one of the airport people take the picture....I am sure Ruth, my instructor, was on the tarmac praying ...

This is the lovely exciting seaplane I took lessons in at Brownies in Florida.....I love the Piper cub and really loved flying the seaplane.....

Quotes

"Do what you fear and fear disappears." -
David Joseph Schwartz

"Only when we are no longer afraid do we begin to live." - Dorothy Thompson

"I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear." - Nelson Mandela

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Who Am I ?

I am an adult female who is a cellist, composer, and a student of life experiences (by necessity). I feel we are all students in life until the day we die. I am, a realist and I try to stay grounded in what I feel is the truth in any situation. I feel we have a responsibility to God, ourselves, and the people who love us to be the very best person we can be.

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